Poked, prodded, and pooped...literally.

This week was chock full of appointments, most of which were tests and scans.  I had seven total, and it all started with an MRI of my abdomen and pelvis.  Despite previous bouts of claustrophobia-induced panic, and that fact that it took over an hour (both my butt and left hand were completely numb after), it was relatively uneventful.  Next came the PET scan and chest CT on Thursday morning. 

***PSA:  If you have the choice, never - I repeat, NEVER - schedule a PET scan and colonoscopy on back to back days.  For the PET, you may only have water after dinner the day before, and for the colonoscopy, it's a clear liquid diet the day before.  So, you're looking at, at least 36 hours of not eating.  You're welcome.***

The PET was new to me, but pretty painless.  I had to drink a not awful Tang-flavored beverage beforehand.  Then I was taken to the "quiet room", which, not going to lie, terrified me at first.  There, an IV was started, and the radioactive glucose was injected.  I had to lay in the dark in the quiet room for awhile, but the scan itself only took about 20 minutes.  Hands down, the best part of that scan was getting the chance to mess with the tech.  When going over my history, our conversation went something like this:
                    Tech:  You've had two kidney transplants? You're so small, how did they fit them in there?
                    Me:    Well, that's why I had the hysterectomy...to make room.
                    Tech:  *mouth open look of horror*
                    Me:    I'm kidding.

Thursday was also my date with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Sood (his actual name...too hilarious to change!), and may I just say...I LOVE him.  I have dubbed him the Indian Dr. Bates.  Like Dr. B, he is very old school (paper charting, lots of drawings, technologically challenged), extremely thorough, and inadvertently freaking hilarious.  Don't get me wrong, his jokes were also funny, but his deadpan delivery of, well, any kind of information really, his tendency to close his eyes and say nothing mid-thought, and his cutting me off mid-sentence to call my rheumatologist kept Jen and I on the verge of inappropriate giggles the whole appointment.  (Seriously. At one point, Jen had to turn completely around in her chair to keep from looking at me or him!)  That being said, I feel 100% confident in his ability to treat me.  He is taking all my issues very seriously...lupus, having a compromised immune system, and most importantly, my kidney, Mini Mo'.  He brought up Mini Mo' as a potential complication that I had not even thought of.  Most of the cancer is on my left side, the same side as the kidney, and both it, and the cancer in the lymph nodes in that area are dangerously close to the kidney.  Therefore, radiation will be a tricky business trying to zap the cancer without damaging Mini Mo' in any way.  But again, I feel confident that Dr. Sood will make it happen.  Here's a very brief breakdown of that visit:

• PET scan:  After a brief look at it, Sood thought the cancer was limited to the butt, and possibly 4 lymph nodes (although he did mention he has been wrong before, ha!).  Good news.
• His concerns:  lupus, compromised immunity, kidney, my ability to tolerate treatment
• General plan:  At least 5 weeks of Monday-Friday treatments.  Will reevaluate then, and more than likely, have another week or 2 of treatment.  This would be in addition to any chemo I may need/am able to tolerate.
• Next appointment:  Simulation next week.  I will go in and they will find the best positioning (my luck?  ass up) for treatment.  First treatment would then be the following week.

Sood's handiwork:

Finally, the last test of the week was this morning:  the dreaded colonoscopy.  Don't let anyone lie to you ever.  The prep for this test is really as bad as everyone says it is.  For me, getting the drink in was much, much worse than getting it out.  I would have sat on the crapper all night if it meant having a better tasting drink.  It was, hands down, the worst thing I've ever tasted in my life.  Orange flavored salt water, and a LOT of it.  After 88 ounces in 2 1/2 hours, my body had had enough, and at that point, it was coming out both ends.  Fun!  BUT...it was all worth it because the colonoscopy, itself went great!  Dr. Weird Dentures found no cancer in the colon, none in the rectum, and zip in the butt canal.  The official PET scan results will confirm, but from what he could tell, the ass cancer was all external.  I know that doesn't sound like awesome news, but trust me, it's the best I've received in over a month...humor me! 

One-way ticket to Barf Town:

I know this was a long post, but it's been an insane week.  Now I will use the weekend to gear up to do it all again next week.  I know I sound like a broken record, but I truly have the most amazing support ever.  When the docs ask me about my support system, I don't even know how to respond.  It's so widespread and comes in so many forms, I don't think they'd have enough time in the day to hear it all.  The support I have received/continue to receive is so unbelievably comforting.  I wish I had time to come thank you all individually.  And Jen...I seriously couldn't do this without you.  I know no one else who would get in trouble by the radiation Sood with me!  ("This is *not* a joke."  *more giggles*)  I love you.